We stayed in our PJ’s all day.
I made pancakes for breakfast.
We snuggled through the morning and played.
We napped.

We made brownies and licked the spoon.
And while they cooked we went out to play in the snow.

We sledded and laughed and rolled around.
You kept signing and saying MO Mom.

We came in to warm brownies and milk.
It’s the perfect snow day with my Doodle.

Its been a mixed bag weekend….parts of it were great and I feel a little guilty to admit that because Lexi was sick (and I’m starting to feel lousy but holding strong).  It kills me to see her not feeling good – it breaks me into tiny pieces when she looks at me with those sick eyes and eeks out a smile.  But the quiet that sick brings was needed this weekend.  We stayed in all weekend.  We snuggled, watched countless hours of noggin, read books, snuggled some more.  Since Lexi started walking she’s a quick snuggler – I enjoyed the snuggles this weekend.

She took a morning nap (something she hasn’t done in months and months) and after we had some lunch and she was congested so I thought I’d take a steamy shower and she’d enjoy the steam and some books – it’s a routine we do at least a few days a week – it also involves unrolling whatever is left of the toilet paper.  She wanted to get in the shower today – something she’s not really been interested in before so I decided to go with it.  She liked the raining of the shower and she washed her little hands together and then she washed my shoulder and I turned off the water and she got so excited.  She got down in the shower and waved goodbye to me.  So I got out – she closed the door behind me and danced – and then she lifted her foot and stomped – she looked at me like “was that ME?!??!!” and I clapped for her and she clapped and she proceeded to stomp for like five minutes.  She was SO excited.

She’s not feeling well still and is in the midst of her afternoon nap but she had some fun today stomping around….today she learned to stomp.  Twelve years from now I’m sure I’ll be wishing she never learned to stomp…today, I’m glad.

Today was our first swim class at the Y in Greenwich.  Here are some things I learned…

1. I love swimming in a pool that is 84 degrees.  It’s a great temperature…I will not be able to enter a pool less then 84 degrees again in my life.
2. There will be people in bikini’s with their children at swimming class.  You will want to hate them, be them and hit them all at the same time.
3. It is very difficult to not expose yourself to the entire locker room when you have an 18 month old.  It will be the moment that you are completely nekked that she will decide to take off.  Thanks Lexi.
4. Locker rooms also have really bad lighting. And if you do catch a glimpse of your nekked self chasing your 18 month old you’ll be horrified.  Remember: Bad Lighting.
5. Swimming class consisted of women that were pregnant and have mommy guilt about having another child and Daddy’s.  I did not fit into the demographic.  But we rocked it.  We paddled, jumped, kicked, splashed, clapped and climbed like rock stars.
6. I am going to take a few swimming lessons by myself.  I can swim – but I can’t do that fancy flip turn and I’m pretty sure that my strokes are rusty considering the last time I was actually “taught” was in 8th grade by Mrs. O’Dea….she is awesome – but 8th grade was quite some time ago.
7. Getting out of the house in the morning is difficult, impossible, a challenge, not fun, a clusterfuckofmonumentalproportions, a workout.  I have known that I’m a very lucky girl that my office is just 14 steps from the living room but until this morning where we had a 9am swimming class and a HARD deadline (you know me, I’m not going to be late and NOT for the first class) I had NO idea.  Like NO idea.
8. Setting my weekend alarm would have been a good move because for the first time in a REALLY long time the breathing population in my house let me sleep until 7:42….which was awesome until I realized it was 7:42.
9. I need a real swimsuit.  I bought one right after the class.  One that doesn’t take into account a flattering bust line or involve a skirt.  I’m not looking for sexy points at swim class.  What I am looking to do is to keep my girls covered despite Lexi’s insistence that she could just GET THEM out for me.
10. There is nothing better then getting out of the pool and having a little girl look at me, smile, give me a kiss and then sign more.  She’s a swimmer.  I so want the best for her – I want her to be athletic and rock at things that I never was very good at….I want her to fit in and help other people fit in.  I want her to have fun.  I want her to have fun with me and know that even though I do say Nonono Nono a lot…it’s to keep her safe so that we can have fun forever.

This weekend we had a pre-party for Lexi’s birthday with my family.  My mom made cupcakes – they were really good.  Lexi really enjoyed them.

We put the cake in front of her and she literally lowered her face INTO the cupcake to ensure that she ate as much icing as possible.  Ed also had a cupcake and he touched the cupcake with his finger first – tasted it with some skepticisim and then he looked at every women in the room to get a sense of approval on if he was allowed to do what Lexi was doing.  Lexi seeks no approval – Lexi dives into the cupcake.

This is when she discovered she could pick it up.  That was a huge moment for her.

And then she found that she could break off pieces (that were too big on Mommy standards) and shove those big pieces directly into her mouth.  Yummm

Then she wanted to share with Grandma.

This girl loves cupcake.  She likes to eat, she likes to give herself icing facials, she likes to wear cupcake and she likes to rub it in like lotion and she even enjoys post cupcake bath.

I had to zoom in here because the cake – it was everywhere – in her hair, ears, all over her arms and on her back by her diaper where she was trying to hide it for later.  Sneaky little doodle bug.

It’s hot.  H-O-T.  I wanted spring.  I needed spring.  I love spring.  But what we have is summer.  85+ is not SPRING in New York.  The only good thing about this heat wave is the opportunity to model our swimwear line.  Well not OUR line – I won’t be getting into a swim suit until this pasty shade of white is spray tanned.

While my Mom and Gramma were here I bought a $8.50 blow up pool and Lexi LOVES it.  It has a sun shade which is great for our girls very fair skin.  

Lexi is thinking: I may be in a ruffled bikini with a pink flower but I mean BUSINESS.

She did manage to find a smile for her Daddy though.

And now for the video where I ask you to put on your mute.  She’s so cute though.

Up until last Friday Lexi had consumed 10oz of formula and about 15,000,000oz of mom milk. I had gone into this whole nourishing my child situation with an open mind – if it worked, great – if it didn’t, fine too.  But it worked, so I went with it.  Then last week some hormonal shifts (worded in such a way that my grandfather will not boycott my blog) took place and I didn’t have 15,000,000 oz of milk at the ready.  So I went with it and bought some formula and Lexi started having formula at lunch time.  And I stopped trying to find a way to pump fluid out of my body that wasn’t available.  Win:Win.  

Then this morning after several midnight snacks (I’m being kind, Lexi, my sweet baby girl, you were up a lot last night and here’s the thing – I want you to be awake when there is sunshine.  And asleep when there is no sunshine.  Lets work on this, kay?) I had nothing to give when Lexi said “FEED ME”.  So I made a bottle.  I’m not emotional about making a bottle.  I’m emotional about what happened next.

I went upstairs to rock Lexi, I held her like I always hold her and I gave her the bottle and she took it, she smiled at me with her eyes and she started rubbing my hand.  That’s what she does when she’s eating – she rubs my hands and then when I burp her she twirls my hair.  And I love it.  It’s in those few minutes I get with her each day that I feel the best.  I feel loved and appreciated and whole.  And I was so afraid that if she had a bottle I wouldn’t get that.

This motherhood thing is not a cake walk.  It’s difficult and it has all of these places where you can get caught up and we all have the same goal: minimize the amount of therapy your child will need in adulthood.

Last night I had a dream with Alex Trebeck (and no, I can’t even think his name without the announcer voice).  Alex was pummeling me with answer after answer while I thumbed through notebooks of questions that I am seeking answers to.  It was one of those stressful dreams.  Don’t you just love those?  Sometimes I dream that I’m an elephant in a tiny room and there is crumpled up paper towels on the floor and I have lost a ring and I can’t find it because I’m an elephant in a small room and I can’t clean up the floor.  Thank goodness I lost that dream evaluation website or I would have lost the whole day trying to figure out what this all “means”.

I had a great weekend with my family – on Saturday Ross played some golf while Lexi and I wandered around Barnes and Noble and took a nice long walk in the spring air and then she had a very fun evening with Grandma and Grandpa while Ross and I went out to dinner.  We had the best time.  I’m not sure what about my life changed so much but I was able to relax – we didn’t rush – we had great conversation that did not revolve around our businesses or Lexi.  We were adults.  Together.  Having dinner.  We were that couple that you see and you think “gosh they must love each other”.  I got dressed up and wore actual shoes with heels and Ross wore a sport coat and when he held my hand walking into the restaurant I felt like the luckiest girl in the room – hell, in the world.  And it got me to thinking about when the last time we’d had that kind of time together.  It had been too long.  We need to do that more often.

Lexi has another tooth.  I can tell when Lexi is teething and we’re close to action – it’s the tongue.  If Lexi is exploring the inside of her mouth with her tongue and not tasting every other available surface then I know – we’ve got tooth-head.  This tooth is on the bottom so those of you keeping score we have 3 teeth on the bottom 0 on top.

Straps and strings of any variety are most appealing.  God help you if you are wearing a sweatshirt with a hood and you haven’t hidden your hood strings.  If she knows you have the strings she will find them.  She will stare you down until you pull them back out of the inside of your shirt because SHE MUST TASTE THEM and touch them after she’s gotten them good and wet.  My poor Aunt Barbara fell victim to her need to saturate hood strings when we visited her a couple weeks ago. 

Is my child the only one that insists on licking EVERYTHING?  What is up with the lick?  I have that suburban shopping cart cover as is issued by the Yuppy and I love it Mommy Club and I swear the entire time we were in Target on Sunday Lexi’s main goal was to bypass this cover protecting her from germs of the fecal and viral variety to taste the shopping cart.  Have you ever seen a shopping cart and said “huh, I wonder what that tastes like?” NO.  You don’t think that unless you just ate an entire chocolate cake and you are looking for the undo button.  And yet, that is her goal.  I bet she’s in her crib right now dreaming about shopping cart taste or worse: restaurant high chair taste.