All day – I’ve wanted to write

All day I’ve wanted to write. I haven’t. Or I have and it’s just been too something – too raw, too petty, too revealing, too boring. Apple TV is restarting. It’s forced me to write.  Well played Steve Jobs, well played.

Things have come up today that have really pushed me to believe in my new definition of patience. I’m grateful for these times. I don’t know how it turns out. I trust a bit – I believe a touch more but really I’m just a girl that hopes that the whole happy ending thing I’ve bought since I first watched Cinderalla is true. I am hoping to one day feel sure (the all caps kind of SURE) of someone else – to know that my heavy sighs will lead to a soft place to land and a hug, where being strong and conquering the to-do list is respected but not required. After being wrong (many times) I don’t know how to feel right. But I still believe.

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My favorite book at Lexi’s age was Willie the Slowpoke. It was all about this kid Willie that was always late – except for when he loved what he was doing, at which point he was early. I think I learned then that I loved being on time (or 8 minutes early which is what my Mom has taught me on-time means) and that I better love what I’m doing or that will be damn hard. Thanks for that Willie.

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I believe in evolution and yet there are at least a few times a week I question how it can possibly be true when people still don’t use turn signals or respect their neighbors enough to know they can love freely. That’s the deepest I will go on that topic.

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eHarmony thinks this is a good time to start emailing me again. I have no idea how they know and I couldn’t disagree more. It is not the time for eHarmony – it is 9 days before Valentines Day nothing good comes from this timing even if you don’t believe in Valentines Day.  Which is kinda silly because there’s actually nothing to believe in but brilliant marketing and I think brilliant marketing is fantastic so why shouldn’t I think a little bit of Hallmark love commemorating a brilliant capitalistic sham of love and sugar is fantastic. As far as it being a day to dote on love – well, how about you do that tomorrow – life is short after all.

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In the Fall I planted bulbs. My Mom suggested that 50 was a reasonable number. I selected 300. I don’t think you can have enough daffodils and tulips and don’t even get me started on those little bell flowers.In some instances more = better. This is one of those times. I read a story about a family of squirrels that moved bulbs from a flower bed all over a hillside. I like that idea. And for a control freak like me that’s surprising. I love that there are bulbs in the dirt around this home just waiting to bloom. I love how they are teaching me.

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I received a request to write about ponies. This is not what they had in mind but the first thing I thought were the shoes and sure enough they still rock it.  Check out these bad boys – I think these will be my spring kicks. I do believe these would affirm my belief in existence (score for incorporating existential).

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My nights once again end with me saying the words “Night bug, I love you” and I’m so grateful for that. So I’ve wanted to write all day you can see why this was a problem.

Comments

  1. Becky Daye says

    I LOVE this! And I think I need the Willie book- I was reminded today of how woefully late I am for everything and it is not because I don’t love what I am going to be doing. I just have this habit thing of thinking that I know how long something will take and I am wrong every time!! Anyway, the whole post makes me laugh, so thank you! And thanks for today- it was great!

    • casscomerford says

      My dear – I was grateful for the time today – I spent those moments being grateful for things – it forced my patience in TIME and it was such a blessing.

  2. Melissa says

    If I recall correctly, in the front cover it says “Ex Librum Teresa G. Squires” I made grandma read that page before the rest of the story because she said it was in a foreign language and also she had a stamp with her name on it which was SO cool. What I wouldn’t give for one of her old books.

    On another note: it’s always wrong, until it isn’t. And in my humble experience, if you have to force something too hard (like me going into OBGYN for instance) it probably wasn’t meant to be.

    And I do not have any of those patience genes either.

  3. says

    Never stop believing in “Cinderella SURE.” I’ve been in some bad places, the kinds of places where you know, deep down, that no matter how much you hope and wish and try to read good into a situation, it’s just a thousand ways of wrong. When I walked out of my Former Life, I wasn’t sure I believed anymore. Too much evidence to the contrary. I now wake up every day next to the Prince Charming that was just right for me. Just don’t stop believing. (And now I am singing that song.)

    I hope you share tons of photos of your tulips and daffodils. They don’t fare as well down here, because the ground doesn’t freeze and the bulbs can’t “do their thing” all in good time. The warmer climate makes them hurry and it just doesn’t yield the same results. Lessons to be learned from flowers. I can’t think of a more cheerful teacher!