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Day 3: Give birth without drugs

by casscomerford • November 3rd, 2009 • posted in Life List, NaBloPoMo

**Please note that I think my comments are finally fixed.  Will you kindly post a little “hi” or “howdy” or “you freaking crazy?” in the space below so that I can finally (FINALLY) cross this item off of my “Nagging items driving me fucking batshit crazy list”. Thanks**

November 3rd: Give birth without drugs

I mentioned on Pocklock’s blog when she was in the process of giving birth to Miss.Bean that I have a very liberal view on the term “natural”.  Here’s an excerpt:

“Back when Lexi was born I had a “natural” policy that went like this: Two people made the person that invented the epidural and that’s close enough to natural for me.  Bring on the good stuff and don’t hold back.”

I still believe that.  But there’s another piece of the pie for me.  That epidural gave me a fever, a really high fever, a fever that I then passed to my little baby, who then was whisked away from me in the minutes after she was born to go to the NICU.  She was born at 5:55pm on July 29th and I didn’t get to hold her again until 9:04pm.  I remember being beyond scared.  At times I was inconsolable because I wanted to see my baby and I couldn’t.  I wanted to hold my baby and I couldn’t.  And the first few minutes that I did have with her there were too many people around because everyone was as anxious to see her as I was.  And I made my baby sick.  The epidural that I “needed” made my baby sick.  Obviously Lexi was no worse for wear here but to have that much Mommy guilt in the first few hours of a little life is more then I can bear.

Sure, it wasn’t my fault.  Of course, I didn’t KNOW that I would react to the epidural in that way.  Obviously, she’s perfect now.  But I think we all (Mom’s anyway) carry around a little piece of Mommy guilt – and it doesn’t matter how ridiculous it is – or how we didn’t have choices…we still have it.  So next time I’m committed to it being a different piece of Mommy guilt.  It won’t be the I had a fever and made you sick variety.  At least, not from an epidural.

Lexi in a pink hat

Lexi with her chicken wing form the IV line

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  • Sandy Aka Mom: November 3rd, 2009 at 2:46pm

    You did not make her sick you silly girl. OMG how small she was... Missing you!

  • Robyn: November 3rd, 2009 at 3:01pm

    I have given birth without any drugs (14 hours of labor) AND had a scheduled c-section. Obviously, 2 very different experiences and I truly can't rate one "better" than the other. Does this mean you are thinking about child number 2...???

  • Annettek: November 3rd, 2009 at 4:26pm

    I can comment, yay! I didn't know my epidural would slow down my labor so much. I think I would have waited longer if I had realized that.

  • Becca: November 3rd, 2009 at 8:47pm

    Well for me personally the epidural was awesome with my first and didn't work with my secone but labor was only 2 hours. My third- due here VERY shortly, will be with an epidural. I didn't have a longer labor or problems with it. I want to enjoy the process and not cussing anyone out! But those of you who do it au natural- cheers to you! Not this momma. And Cass- you didn't do anything wrong to cause Lexi's NICU stay!!

  • Sarah Schroeder: November 3rd, 2009 at 11:19pm

    Wow! We have very similar stories. I was VERY ill after giving birth to Eva (our first) and had used an epidural as well. Eva was swept away to the NICU later that afternoon as well. Because she aspirated fluid into her lungs. All I can say is - when we were ready for our second I knew I wanted to give birth naturally - I DID IT! It was amazing and I am so glad that I made that choice. Hoping you too will have the opportunity some day. :-)

  • Multi-Tasking Mommy: November 4th, 2009 at 7:46am

    I'm here :) Sweet photo!

  • AndreAnna: November 4th, 2009 at 10:56am

    I know you can do whatever you put your mind too. Me? My epidural ran out and I gave birth feeling everything the second time around. I much preferred the epidural.

  • Bessie.viola: November 4th, 2009 at 3:34pm

    Love that photo...was she ever really that small? I have a lot of guilt over Madeline's birth as well. I know it's silly, but I hate the fact that after 24 hours of labor I ended up with a c-section. I go back and forth ALL the time about whether I'll schedule or try for an all-natural, no drugs VBAC. Tough stuff, but I love that this is on your list!

  • Kellie: November 5th, 2009 at 7:57pm

    YAY! Comments work! I'm annoyed I have to time my info in each time, but that? Is really okay :) I had TWO with Morgan. First one didn't take so, the doc had to take it out, move it and start again. And I ended up with a C-section after 8 hours of labor anyway. That picture? Totally melted me and made me smile about the baby currently doing its thing in my belly.