Up until last Friday Lexi had consumed 10oz of formula and about 15,000,000oz of mom milk. I had gone into this whole nourishing my child situation with an open mind – if it worked, great – if it didn’t, fine too. But it worked, so I went with it. Then last week some hormonal shifts (worded in such a way that my grandfather will not boycott my blog) took place and I didn’t have 15,000,000 oz of milk at the ready. So I went with it and bought some formula and Lexi started having formula at lunch time. And I stopped trying to find a way to pump fluid out of my body that wasn’t available. Win:Win.
Then this morning after several midnight snacks (I’m being kind, Lexi, my sweet baby girl, you were up a lot last night and here’s the thing – I want you to be awake when there is sunshine. And asleep when there is no sunshine. Lets work on this, kay?) I had nothing to give when Lexi said “FEED ME”. So I made a bottle. I’m not emotional about making a bottle. I’m emotional about what happened next.
I went upstairs to rock Lexi, I held her like I always hold her and I gave her the bottle and she took it, she smiled at me with her eyes and she started rubbing my hand. That’s what she does when she’s eating – she rubs my hands and then when I burp her she twirls my hair. And I love it. It’s in those few minutes I get with her each day that I feel the best. I feel loved and appreciated and whole. And I was so afraid that if she had a bottle I wouldn’t get that.
This motherhood thing is not a cake walk. It’s difficult and it has all of these places where you can get caught up and we all have the same goal: minimize the amount of therapy your child will need in adulthood.
Exactly. Minimizing therapy is the name of the game.
I second that! The less therapy for all involved, the better :)
That's such a beautiful little memory. And I really think there's no guilt in giving a baby a bottle and formula, and you really did a good job breastfeeding all these months! So you should just feel warm and fuzzy about it all and keep enjoying that little princess of yours! She sounds like such a doll.
Oh, the nighttime bottle. I LOVE those little moments too... she's 14months but I haven't really started weaning her from the bottle yet because then when will we snuggle? She's too busy the rest of the day... Beautifully written.
Even though there will come a day when those particular little rituals will disappear, there will be new ones to take their place. And, they will be just as special for both of you.