Lexi got her haircut for the first time last week.  She didn’t like it.  When we put her in the magic car she was happy enough and then a strange man holding sharp instruments came at her and TOUCHED HER HEAD!  You should have seen the look she gave me it was incredulous…how COULD I let this HAPPEN to her.  She whimpered the entire time but in the end we got exactly what we came for a cute bob so that as her hair grows it looks more like a sweet little girl cut and less like an unkept shag.

****************************************************************************************************

Apparently naps are for babies and now that Lexi is, as she says, abigooorl she doesn’t feel that a daily nap is necessary.  Like today, for example.  So around 5 tonight I saw the window closing and I decided we’d do early dinner, bath, lotion, milk and bed.  I was really hoping we could drag that out until at least 6:30…but after the bath Lexi looks at me and says NiMama and wants me to leave her in her room.  She was pretty pissed off that I was going to make her go all the way downstairs for some milk.  We made it to 6:15.  This means several things…I’ll be up early tomorrow, I’m lonely and all the stuff I had to do for the night is already complete and I didn’t get enough snuggle time and I’ve had ZERO exposure to the Backyardigans today.  Not all bad.  But still.

****************************************************************************************************

While I was in ChiCAgo with my girls my girl was here with my Gram and my Mom.  It was kind of a bummer because I really would have loved to spend the weekend with them too.  But I know that they had a fantastic time with Lexi and that it was an experience that did everyone a whole lot of good.  I didn’t realize how relaxing a night of sleep can be when there isn’t an animal or a baby to be listening for.  The whole Chicago experience was so fantastic – the massage, the people, the food, the drinks, the people.  When you read blogs you get to know people on one level but it’s a completely different experience to hug them.  To be able to learn their smiles and how they say words.  It’s like when I read their blogs now it’s like they’re reading it to me.

Me and my Mom…we go way back. I’m her girl.

****************************************************************************************************

I realized recently that I may need to sit back a little more and let things, people, moments come to me.  I tend to be a pusher and I go after things I want.  And while that has made for a whole lot of success and some experiences I never could have dreamed of I think it’s also something that could use a little adjusting.  At some point I want to be pursued….and in order for that to happen I’ll have to sit back and relax.  So I’m going to be working on that.  I would like to say that dancing every single day has happened in February so far and it is a delight.

When I started blogging I was lonely. I didn’t have my people. And now I do…and I’m so lucky that I got to spend some time with some of my people this past weekend. Here’s a glimpse in photos.

I decided that I wanted to use my blog to post some things that I’m going to be linking to professionally from time to time. This is one of them.  Here’s a quick little video on how to use Google Reader – it’s VERY high level and I’m going to do a follow up with more features in the coming weeks but for people reading blogs by having a list of URL’s in their favorites this is an intro peak into the efficiency of using a reader like Google Reader.

Using Google Reader from Cass Comerford on Vimeo.

Tell me for those veteran blog readers – any tips for newbies?  Do you use Google Reader or another reader?

I’m starting something new.  Wednesday is my least favorite day of the week – it just is – so I thought if I created a fun way to share something fun it would improve my day too.  So here we go – each week I’m going to share a link for each of these categories.  If you’d like something featured in these categories feel free to comment or send me an e-mail at cass@cassjustcurious.com

Useful: A really functional Meal Planner/ Grocery List

Decor: Rain gutter book shelves.  I really want to do this in Lexi’s room when I buy a house.

Snackage: Fruit and Honey Granola.  I’m still hooked on the idea of making really delicious granola.

Desire: The Juliet dress at J.Crew.  In lavender.

Delicious: Stuffed Shells.

Readable:  The Happiness Project

Listening to: Keb’ Mo’

Blog: All My Loose Ends.

Wow – so I woke up this morning and it’s February already…and I’m all “how’d that happen” because isn’t January the longest month ever and it didn’t seem so long to me…minus the sick, the sick seems to linger forever.  I kind of thought that I’d like to write a book this year….I even talked to a few people about it.  I’m reconsidering I don’t think my idea was that original (after reading The Happiness Project (which is a great read)) and while I’d been working on the book thing I was neglecting this blog thing – and I like the blog better then the hypothetical if I were to ever finish it book.  So I’m going to share some of what I have with you.

The premise is taking on a single resolution a month.  January my resolution was to turn off the tv before I fall to sleep – take five deep breaths.  Be still.  So here’s some of what I’ve got:

December 30th - Okay – it’s technically not January yet – it’s December 30th and I’m so excited at the prospect of this little adventure – but lets be honest about something for a second.  It’s taking a lot of willpower to not try to take all of these on at once.  I don’t believe for one second that I would be successful at all (or any) of them if I did this…but the urge is strong.  Someone once joked that I couldn’t be given a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle because I would have to stay up to get it finished and if that meant 3 days then it would be 3 days.  They were right.  It’s the quiet that settles in around me when there is nothing to do….it’s unsettling.  I wonder how I should fill that 3 minutes, hour, day, week.  I have no idea how to just be.

January 2nd – This five deep breaths thing is going to be difficult – it’s not the breathing part (I manage to do that with very little effort at all) it’s the not thinking part.  Go ahead.  Take a second and take five deep breaths – around breath three you know what I think about – Mayonnaise and how we don’t have enough in the fridge and shouldn’t I just quickly grab a pen and write that down because I may never remember and then I’ll want Tuna Salad and that will be impossible because there is just not enough Mayonnaise.  I haven’t managed to get to five deep breaths without thinking of something that I should be doing, buying, eating, finding or cleaning yet….but by the end of the month I believe I will get there.

January 5th – Yeah, I’m easily distracted.  I think I may be working TOO hard at getting to breathe three…I’m doing lots of breathing though and that’s a good thing – I think I may be sleeping a bit better too because I’m falling asleep without the distraction of the television.

January 12th – I am realizing that while I miss the companionship of someone else in my physical space I do like the quiet and peace that comes with being alone.  As I get up to walk Mandy at night it’s very easy – there is no game of rock paper scissors to determine who will do things….I will do it all – and while it is a lot, it’s easier in some ways because there is no push back, there is no bitterness of how someone else could just LAY there while I’m doing everything.  It’s just me and when the kitchen is clean, the toys are put away, the door is locked and everyone else is sleeping I find that I can get a really true exhale.

January 18th - I’m irritated.  As I was getting dressed yesterday I realized that all the clothing was just a little too tight for my liking.  I also realized that I’m not feeling good and I’m not sleeping well and I’m generally anxious and just well…on edge.  I cut the meat starting today.  My body does not like it when I eat meat….I get sick…I feel worn down.  It’s a nasty set of feelings.

January 25th - I’m sick.  I realize that I complain a lot.  I hate that.  I’m ready for spring.  The dog smells, the house is hot and I’m sick.  I’m not breathing.  Who has time to breath?  Who the hell wants to be in their head for five whole deep breaths?  It’s painful

January 30th - I’ve got to stick with this.  I have to commit myself to continue trying this – I really feel like I’m on a path here with the breathing…I’ve moved beyond thoughts of mayo and I’m thinking big things like “am I fulfilled” “am I proud of the mom I was today” “what could you not do tomorrow that didn’t bring any pleasure to you today”.  The thoughts are leading me in a direction.  I’m going to keep this up.  I am.  Maybe it will be the first thing I ever really stick to.  Wow – admitting that feels really awful and also freeing.

February….the resolution is: Dance every single day – it’s good to shake it.

I went to ABC Carpet and Home and Fishs Eddy to take some pictures.  The Buttoned Up writing gig requires a little thumbnail picture for each post and this was a challenge so I needed to take some pretty pictures.  But I wanted to share them here too…because it’s pretty stuff.  I swear I could take pictures in these places all day long…in the spring when I don’t have the bulk of a coat I plan to do just that.

I love this picture – you can totally see why Teddy would be running, right?

Fake cry face

Someone really wants soup.

The soup she wanted….I get it.

I’ve decided to give in to the sick for 24 hours so I’m writing this from bed.  Right now I’m in bed…this is not normal.  I’m not a bed person – there are people that could hang out in bed, lounge in bed, watch tv in bed, read in bed, wake up, EAT and just hang out in bed.  I am not a bed person.  I go to bed to sleep.  I love sleeping in my bed; it has high thread count sheets, fluffy down bedding, memory foam, great pillows.  But I don’t hang in my bed.

I don’t even really like to sleep in.  <cringe> I know!!!!  But I don’t.  Now if you offered me an opportunity to sleep through the night without interruption I would kiss you right on the lips.  But I don’t like to sleep in.  The few times that I have slept in I felt like I missed the whole day.  I love the hours early in the morning when it’s quiet – I love getting to the grocery store right as its opening and getting to roam through the aisles mostly on my own with displays that haven’t stood the test of hundreds of people.  Seeing the sun rise….is one of my favorite things.  There is this moment where you can almost here all the living things say “ahhhhh” and I can’t help but sing that “here comes the sun” song.  It’s just GOOD.  In the spring when the farmers market opens I love being there as they’re laying out the greens and herbs.  I’m a morning person.  At 9:30pm I’m about done….I can adjust and I can stay up….but if I had a choice I’d be in bed, sleeping.

So I ask you…are you a bed person or not a bed person?  Mornings for you?  Or are you a night owl?

Today started with a shit storm on the work front.  Well wait.  That’s not true.  Today technically started when I was up 15,873 times with Lexi – the girl doesn’t like to cough alone and while I completely appreciate that MOMMA NEEDS SLEEP….but my sleep doesn’t matter so I was up 15,873 times (I let her cough alone 3 times and that really pissed her off).  Then the day started with Mandy licking my face because FEED ME FEED ME FEED ME.  As I take my iPhone off the charger I see the red flash of doom.  Voicemails (Lots of them), emails, missed calls, text messages.  Shit Storm.  And then there’s cat puke….isn’t that the way it always goes.  I stepped in it, of course the moment I took my shoes off from taking Mandy out in the pouring driving wind and rain.  Awesome.  And then before I could clean it up Mandy ate it.  And I threw up in my mouth because….that’s really freaking disgusting.  Like SERIOUSLY disgusting.

It’s Monday’s like this that make me wonder if running away is really an option.  Lets say this.  Lets say I pack the car up – a cooler, clothes, food, dog food the whole bit.  I alert the proper people that the cats are there and are ready for pick up.  And we just go.  I send an e-mail out to work that says “It’s been real.  I’m out.” I remove the blog – the twitter – the facebook – the flickr – the linked in – the gmail – the google reader – the everything.  And we run away.  We run to a little town in the middle of no where – no one knows us and we start over.  Simpler.  With less pressure, noise, expectations.  Past failure would be in the rear view mirror.  Some days I just want to run away.

Its been a mixed bag weekend….parts of it were great and I feel a little guilty to admit that because Lexi was sick (and I’m starting to feel lousy but holding strong).  It kills me to see her not feeling good – it breaks me into tiny pieces when she looks at me with those sick eyes and eeks out a smile.  But the quiet that sick brings was needed this weekend.  We stayed in all weekend.  We snuggled, watched countless hours of noggin, read books, snuggled some more.  Since Lexi started walking she’s a quick snuggler – I enjoyed the snuggles this weekend.

She took a morning nap (something she hasn’t done in months and months) and after we had some lunch and she was congested so I thought I’d take a steamy shower and she’d enjoy the steam and some books – it’s a routine we do at least a few days a week – it also involves unrolling whatever is left of the toilet paper.  She wanted to get in the shower today – something she’s not really been interested in before so I decided to go with it.  She liked the raining of the shower and she washed her little hands together and then she washed my shoulder and I turned off the water and she got so excited.  She got down in the shower and waved goodbye to me.  So I got out – she closed the door behind me and danced – and then she lifted her foot and stomped – she looked at me like “was that ME?!??!!” and I clapped for her and she clapped and she proceeded to stomp for like five minutes.  She was SO excited.

She’s not feeling well still and is in the midst of her afternoon nap but she had some fun today stomping around….today she learned to stomp.  Twelve years from now I’m sure I’ll be wishing she never learned to stomp…today, I’m glad.

I started meditating a few weeks ago.  I’ve been having a difficult time falling asleep and staying asleep.  I’m exhausted….make no mistake about that.  It’s just when the quiet has fallen in around me I can’t help but think.  And thinking is the enemy.  So I’ve been meditating before I go to bed.  And if I wake up having some kind of panic/anxiety/awake attack I do this meditation again.  Part of this was something I read….I wish I had remembered to write down where so if this is yours please let me know and I’ll throw in a link and part of it I’ve changed up to be more reflective of what I need and want.

May I feel protected and safe.

May I feel contented and pleased.

May my physical body support me with strength

May my life unfold smoothly with ease.

May all my dreams be on the way.

May I feel protected and safe.

May I feel contented and pleased.

May my physical body support me with strength

May my life unfold smoothly with ease.

May all my dreams be on the way.

I feel protected and safe.

I feel contented and pleased.

My physical body supports me with strength

My life unfolds smoothly with ease.

All my dreams are on the way.

I feel protected and safe.

I feel contented and pleased.

My physical body supports me with strength

My life unfolds smoothly with ease.

All my dreams are on the way.

I feel protected and safe.

I feel contented and pleased.

My physical body supports me with strength

My life unfolds smoothly with ease.

All my dreams are on the way.

Do you meditate?  How do you do it?